Stupid Questions Doula’s Get Asked (But No Question is Stupid)
There are NO stupid questions when it comes to newborns, postpartum recovery, or your mental health. No matter what stage of motherhood you’re in, your questions are valid. Because no, you weren’t supposed to be born knowing how often to burp a baby or why they have bumps on their face. That’s what doulas (and blogs like this) are for.
Here are some of the most common “stupid” questions doulas hear (and why they’re actually smart, important, and totally normal to ask).
1. “When will the baby sleep through the night?”
What the research says:
Newborns (0–2 months) sleep in short cycles — typically 20–50 minutes — totaling around 16–18 hours a day, with no distinction between day and night.
Most babies don’t consistently sleep 6–8 hours at once until around 3 months, but it can be highly variable. Some don’t until closer to 12 months.
By 6–9 months, many infants can sleep longer without feeding (about 6 hours straight), though it’s not universal.
Evolutionary sleep research suggests infant sleep is biologically driven — day-night rhythm starts forming around 3 months, but disruptions like sleep regressions or teething are natural and ongoing through the first year.
What can help:
Encourage day & night cues: bright days, dim nights, quiet evenings (especially after 3 months).
Gentle sleep training can typically start between 4–6 months, using strategies like putting baby down drowsy but awake or gradually extending intervals between checks.
Always consult your pediatrician before starting any method.
2. “When will my milk come in?”
Right after birth, your body makes colostrum. Then, usually around day 2 to 5, your milk comes in more fully. Your boobs might feel fuller, heavier, or even like overinflated water balloons.
A few things that can affect timing:
C-section vs. vaginal birth
Stress levels (easier said than fixed, we know)
How often you’re feeding or pumping
3. “Am I bleeding too much? What’s normal?”
You’ll bleed after birth for a few weeks — sometimes up to 6 or even 8. It’ll change colors as it goes: bright red ➝ pink/brown ➝ yellowish-white.
What’s normal:
Soaking a pad every 2–3 hours
Small clots (think quarter size or smaller)
Heavier bleeding when you stand or breastfeed
What’s NOT:
Soaking a pad in under an hour
Clots bigger than a golf ball
Foul smell, dizziness, or fever
4. “Can I take the baby outside?”
Absolutely, yes! Fresh air is beneficial for both of you.
As long as your baby is dressed appropriately (hat, layers) and kept shaded, going for short walks is safe and encouraged from the first week, as long as you are feeling up to it!
To reduce germ exposure, consider avoiding very crowded indoor areas during the first 6–8 weeks.
5. “How often do I burp the baby?”
This depends a bit on how they’re feeding:
Breastfed? Try burping between sides.
Bottle-fed? Every ounce or two, and again at the end.
If they’re squirmy, fussy, or pulling off the nipple a lot, it could be gas. Try different burping positions. Some babies love being over the shoulder, others do best sitting upright in your lap. It’s very trial and error — and that’s normal.
6. “What do I do with the baby when they're not eating?”
When your baby isn't feeding or sleeping, they're still soaking up the world:
Skin-to-skin time or cuddles
Chat or sing softly
Try gentle tummy time
Take walks in a stroller or carrier
It feels like you should be doing more, but honestly, you being there is enough.
7. “My baby hates tummy time. Are they gonna need a helmet?!”
Nope, not if you keep trying a little at a time. Tummy time builds neck and shoulder strength and helps prevent flat spots (positional plagiocephaly).
Most babies hate tummy time at first — it’s hard work for them! Even laying your baby on your chest while you recline counts as tummy time.
Start with a couple of minutes here and there. Eventually, they’ll get stronger and less frustrated. If your pediatrician notices a flat spot or tightness in the baby's neck, they’ll walk you through your options — but helmets are usually a last resort and not as common as Google makes it seem.
8. “Why does my baby have bumps all over their face?”
Several common, harmless skin conditions can pop up:
Baby acne: red or white bumps
Milia: tiny white cysts
Erythema toxicum: red blotchy rash
These usually clear up on their own within a few weeks. They don’t itch or bother your baby. Just gently wash with warm water — avoid scrubbing or using products unless your provider recommends it.
9. “Do I have to sterilize everything every time?”
First use of bottles, nipples, and pacifiers: sterilizing is recommended.
After that, washing with hot soapy water or the dishwasher is just fine for healthy, full-term babies.
If your baby is premature or medically fragile, you may need to sterilize more often — ask your pediatrician what’s best for your situation.
Every Question Is Worth Asking
You’re not overthinking — you’re just a parent who cares a lot (and maybe hasn’t slept in... a while). Whether it feels big, small, awkward, or like something you should already know — it’s still worth asking.
Doulas have heard it all. Seriously. Nothing surprises us, and nothing is too weird. So ask the question. Ask five. Ask us at 2 a.m. while holding a half-eaten granola bar and wondering if your baby’s poop is supposed to look like that.
We’re here for all of it. You’ve got this — and we’ve got you.
